Today was the first day I went out without the baby. My mom and I took advantage of Roth’s offer to watch the freshly changed and fed baby so we could go shopping. We were only gone for about an hour and a half, but it felt a little odd to be out and about without the baby. It was an even weirder sensation when my mom and I parted ways to look at different sections of a department store, because suddenly I felt alone.
But not in a bad way. It just felt surreal, is all, seeing as I’ve spent every waking moment over the last 11 days – and not to mention the last nine months! – caring for the baby. To suddenly be free, even for just a few minutes, to do something so normal as browse sale racks, was slightly unsettling. By the time we were done, I was anxious to head home and hold my baby.
Does this mean I’m acclimating to my new role as mom? I’d like to think so. It’s hard to imagine life before Rowan. I mean, for all intents and purposes, I should still be pregnant with him right now, and yet, he is here. Sometimes when he’s nursing, I watch him concentrate on the task at hand, earnestly trying not to let his eyes close, and I think to myself, is this real? How is it that this beautiful little being is ours?
What’s even more amazing is watching Roth interact with Rowan. I always knew that Roth would be a good dad, but he really takes it to a whole new level. He’s right there beside me in the middle of the night, helping me change the baby, burping him after a feeding, and he definitely has the magic touch when it comes to calming the baby. When things get frustrating – and trust me, there have been some not-so-good days and nights, too – he helps me stay afloat the quagmire that is postpartum depression. And nothing breaks the sleep-deprived tension like sharing a good laugh after an explosive baby fart.
So yeah, we’re doing pretty well, slowly but surely adjusting to life with a baby as best we can. The minutes and hours of the days go by ridiculously fast, and I’m definitely having a hard time keeping up with the goings-on outside of our little microcosm. But my mom has been here the whole time, washing every single dirty dish and cuddling with the baby every chance she gets, so that’s been a big help. Roth and I are starting to figure out this whole parenthood thing, and soon I hope that our lives will return to some redefined semblance of normalcy.
In the meantime, I’m just trying to soak in every moment, because seriously, being a mom is awesome.